Totally Chappers Blog

It’s a question asked often, but rarely answered - just how do you get to be in the mob on the Xbox 360 1 vs 100 live game?

The offical line is that you have to play often, answer correctly and quickly.
People on forums have been complaining that they play many of the extened game sessions and still don’t get picked for the mob.

I subscribed to the offical line, and for the first few weeks I played 4 or 5 extended play games each week, hoping it would put me up the pecking order when it came to choosing the mob and ‘the one’.
Sadly, I was never selected, So I gave up with extended play and just played the 19:30-21:30 prime time game for prizes on Friday and Saturday nights, hoping that lady luck would smile upon me.
She didn’t! I had to win the hard way. On Saturday August 8th, I beat 15,000 other players to be the games highest scorer and I won the xbox live arcade game Carcassonne (I’m still waiting for the email with the download code)

Winning from the audience was rather satisfying, but I still wanted to get in the mob. What was the magic formula? Well my readers, I think I have cracked it!

Step One - Play 1 vs 100 extended play at either 18:30 or 19:00 directly before the live for prizes show.
Step Two - Do not obsess over getting a high score. If you know the answer to a question, answer it quickly. If a question comes up that you know you won’t know the answer, just bash any button with lightening speed. Do not waste time mulling over an answer.
Step Three - The crucial step, ensure that your average answer time is below 0.75 seconds. You can check the in-game stats to monitor this, and really up your speed if needed.
Step Four - Participate in the live for prizes game and await to be put in the mob!

I have followed this process for the last two weeks, I’ve been in the mob twice. I also had two friends test out my theory and they also made it into the mob. They both had previously played lots of extended play like myself and never made it into the mob.

The final set of live for prizes games are on the 28th and 29th of August, if you become ‘The One’ you have a chance to defeat the 100 strong mob and win a Fiat 500 car!

Give my theory a try and let me know if it works for you. This time next week you could be the owner of a new car.

Exciting times here at the Totally Chappers Offices. The pitter patter of tiny feet can once again be heard.
We have purchased two lovebirds from the Southdown Nursery in Hassocks, West Sussex, for a shocking £39 each. The issue now is that my cleaner and I can’t agree on a names for the pair. She would like to call them Mac and Mabel. I think Lenny and Lucas (Radebe) are better names.
Quite clearly we are stuggling on the naming front, so if any of you wonderful blog readers have a suggestion, then please leave a comment on this blog entry.

The as of yet unnamed Lovebirds.

Currently, the number one rated podcast on all of iTunes is 8 out of 10 Cats.
When you view more information about it’s iTunes listing, you will see the box on the right of the page which lists the 5 podcasts of which their listeners are most subcribed to. The first one listed? The Totally Chappers Podcast!

It’s no coincidence that we have shot back into the top 100 on the back of this prime piece of exposure.
Be in no doubt, Totally Chappers is popular. Bedroom radio is just two kids mucking around on a second hand server is it Tommy Boyd? This is the same man that questioned how people would remember the name. The answer it seems is….. PLENTY!

Today the Totally Chappers Podcast has once again outranked another high profile radio professional on the iTunes Comedy Podcast Chart. This time it’s Geoff Lloyd’s Absolute Radio Podcast.

This happy revelation came as a big surprise as we’ve not been in the top 100 for months because we haven’t actually uploaded any new material. We are currently in 82nd position.

Of course, this isn’t a happy placing for Gary from Luton who actually idolises Geoff and his team. Gary even once went out to dinner with Geoff, they had an indian (minus the bindi) Luton is sad that his favourite radio personality (since Iain Lee stopped taking his calls) has been displaced by the superior podcast that we all know and love as Totally Chappers. In Luton’s eyes, Geoff is to radio what a vibrator is to a bored housewife.

If you want to hear how inferior the Geoff show is compared to Totally Chappers, then you can hear him on Absolute Radio, weekday evenings, 5-8pm

Regular readers of this blog will know how much I love the work of Tommy Boyd. I admire him so much that I spent many hours putting together a Tommy Boyd Soundboard in honour the great man. It’s been crafted in such a way that you may be able to get some conversations out of it with some foolish people. It’s very much a work in progress and I’ve not yet gone over the archive where he talks about the BNP, such soundbytes would really enhance the creation. If you’re a Boyd fan and would like to submit some audio to make the multimedia piece even better, then please send your files to studio@totallychappers.com Help me to make Tommy proud!

Play with Tommy Boyd here:
http://www.totallychappers.com/features/tommyboydsoundboard.swf

Last year I put together an Iain Lee Soundboard to use against the man himself when he did a four hour show on Play Radio UK. Iain was impressed, so I decided to use it to call Mike Mendoza, he fell for it, thinking it was really Iain Lee himself. Apart from being used to prank a few other random radio shows with random phrases, the soundboard has been sitting on my harddrive, not being used. I decided to smarten up its appearance and make it available for the internet community to use. The soundboard is still a ‘work in progress’. I need to add some better questions and phrases, but it’s still good enough at the moment to try fooling some unsuspecting DJ’s and friends with it.

If you do use it to make calls using the soundboard and manage to get a recording, I’d love to hear them.
http://totallychappers.com/features/iainleesoundboard.swf

Michael Jackson ‘The King of Pop’ has died from a heart attack at the age of 50 according to celebrity website tmz.com.

Media reports have said that Michael was taken to hospital in Los Angeles after he was found not breathing in his Holmby Hills home earlier.

Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics had rushed to the singer’s $100,00-a-month rented home near Sunset Boulevard to find him not breathing.

Roll up roll up, get made to look a fool on Play Talk UK, take on Tommy Boyd and his fader, it’s the challenge you’ll never win!

Tommy Boyd has finally read the internet forums and discovered negative posts about Play Talk UK and its ‘talent’ pool. His reaction has been to dedicate his shows on Monday and Tuesday to these ‘forum w*nkers’

Tommy has profiled forum users as wankers that live in bedsits or still live with their parents.
They are young males that don’t drink, don’t smoke, were never good at football, and can’t fight.
These boys are virgins that have never had girlfriends, were most definitely bullied at school, they’ve not had enough love from their parents and are stuck in dead-end jobs.

Tommy was doing his best to try and bait these ‘forum w*nkers’ to call in so that he could go to town on them with his fader.

It goes like this, you call in, Tommy asks you a series of questions about yourself so that he can mock you, when you finally get a chance to speak he’ll fade you down and start shouting abuse over the top, your valid discussion points will never get heard by the audience, this results in Tommy being able to dodge the questions he can’t possibly answer without sounding foolish. When Tommy finally stops ranting, he’ll ask the caller another question, the caller doesn’t answer and hangs up, Tommy announces that the caller is a coward and proclaims yet another victory for himself.
What most listeners probably don’t realise is that Tommy has already cut the caller off before he asks the final question. Tommy can’t lose!

Don’t believe me? Go speak to Eduardo!

There is of course another option, Tommy is inviting these ‘forums w*nkers’ to come to the Play Radio UK car park. Violence solves everything you see, but will it really make Play Talk’s output any better?

It’s a shame that Tommy has had to resort to name calling in an attempt to get some lively calls to his increasingly lightweight, boring show. Podcast Superstore clips anyone?

If Tommy Boyd is so angry with these posts, some of which were produced by me, then he is welcome to call up The Totally Chappers Webcast this Sunday from 8pm. I don’t expect to hear from him though, his weapon of choice ‘the fader’ won’t be at his disposal.

This week on the Feeling Randy Podcast - Randy and chums speak to Leroy Brown, the leader of the WNP - Whites Not Present. The WNP are an emerging political party in the United Kingdom and are a direct competitor to the British Nationalist Party.

Leroy Brown would like the country to throw out all the white members of the population and keep those whos skin colour can be classed as at least 51% brown on his party’s colour chart. Some may think this policy is rather radical, some even suggest that it’s racist! However, it’s no worse than the BNP, and they have seats in the European Parliament!

If you’d like to hear what Leroy Brown had to say, then you can listen to the show by subcribing for free to the Feeling Randy podcast on iTunes or you can listen to the show via this media player below.

Do you agree with the ideas of Leroy Brown and the WNP - Whites Not Present?

You can leave your comments below and we’ll make sure that they get passed onto Leroy.

Play Talk UK is a talk radio venture on the internet with its sights firmly focused on comedy. I have been listening to their programming for many months and feel they are making great strides in making themselves into the laughing stock of internet broadcasting.

Veteran broadcaster Tommy Boyd is the man pulling the strings at Play Talk. Tommy used to work in childrens TV, and has also worked at radio stations such as LBC, TalkSport and BBC Southern Counties Radio. Seemingly no longer valued as a big time player in british radio, Tommy is spearheading the comedy talk station on the internet which is attempting to reach out to a global audience.

Tommy Boyd has referred to Play Talk as being ‘New Media’, he thinks that Play Talk is not Internet Radio as that sounds too much like two lads in a bedroom using a secondhand server, and they are better than that.

Of course, this is just Tommy humoring us, he doesn’t really mean it.  Tommy Boyd has aquired Fat Steve and Gary Redrup to the Play Talk team, both of whom were doing this ‘bedroom radio’ and actually broadcast their parts on Play Talk from home. Hilarious joke.

The Podcast Show - Chris Reardon
Part of Play Talk’s line-up is ‘The Podcast Show’ with Chris Reardon. The premise of this show is to review podcasts  and to provide expert tips to those listeners that want to do their own podcasts. 
Tommy hailed Chris Readon as the ‘podcast king’ and that his podcasts were the best around.
The joke here is that Chris Readon doesn’t actually know much about podcasting and openly admits it himself. Mr Boyd has such a sense of humor! He had us all tuning in, expecting to hear a useful show, when really it’s about a man muddling his way through talking about a subject he knows very little about. What’s even funnier is that the show was extended from one hour to two. In these two hours approximately 25 minutes are spent talking about podcasts with his weekly crew of stereotypical gay men and a disabled woman called motorised millie.

The Simon Darby Show
Another show is hosted by Mr Simon Darby, Deputy Leader of the BNP. Tommy gave a show to Simon as he thinks Simon is an interesting person, claiming people want to hear him on the radio. Tommy also billed Simon as one of the UK’s leading experts on Ornithology!

Listeners are welcome to call up and speak to Simon about winged animals, sports betting and anything else, but in no way is this a show about the BNP. Tommy has given a show to Simon Darby the person and not the party he represents.

The swerve here is that when you tune in, all you hear Simon talk about is the British Nationalist Party! The show is funny for many reasons, for starters, Mr Darby uses a midi file version of the Indiana Jones theme. Each week an army of silly callers phone in to play soundboards and generally abuse Simon.  Simon is such a natural performer in the role of bumbling idiot that you can easily forget that he is a highly respected man of politics. Another crucial element to this comedy show is the ‘hmmmmm’, ‘mmmmmm’, ‘huh’, ‘yeah’ noises made by his producer Fiona Dutton. Clearly a woman that has no business working in ‘new media’, but is a vital cog in making this show the laugh a minute that it is.

The Catherine Cat Show
Play Talk also have a show where art and literature is reviewed on a weekly basis by Catherine Cat. She’s australian, but for comedy purposes, she claims to be english whilst having a stong Oz accent. Now here’s the twist, she is a bloody prostitute! Tommy Boyd has said that Catherine Cat is “the best broadcaster out there at the moment” and that “no one can hold a candle to her”. The futher twist is that she’s actually a well spoken prostitute, who’d have thought such a type of prostitute exists!

Each week Catherine broadcasts from what Tommy describes as her dungeon, although Catherine prefers to call it her office as it has a desk, computer and phone in it. Catherine seamlessly switches between art and sex in a flash, one moment she could be reading out some prose, then talking about taking cocks in three holes all at once! It’s so funny and never gets tiring.

Global News Talk - Matt Hollick
If Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr ditched the Sunday Night Project and fronted The News at 10 on ITV, tackling global issues, could you actually take them seriously? No, me neither.
Which is a good thing, as Tommy Boyd has taken the rude, crude Matt Hollick who is quite the bully to callers on Sunday nights on the imaginatively named ‘The Sunday Roast’ and given him a show on Wednesday evenings under the title of ‘Global News Talk’.  Matt tackles such global issues such as flying radio control planes, dentists, formula one and spoof pop songs. To keep up the comedy element, he cuts off any callers that don’t want to play along with the façade that he is actually a serious news broadcaster. Tommy Boyd praises Matt Hollick for being able to find new angles to stories that no other journalist has ever touched. Such comments from Tommy have me in stitches.

Global News Talk - Fiona Dutton
Another Global News Talk show is hosted by Fiona ‘master of noises’ Dutton.
When she’s not making us giggle with her ‘hmmmmm’ ‘mmmmmm’ ‘HUH’ and ‘yeah’ catchphrases, you can hear Fiona covering global issues such as Big Brother, Eastenders, astrology, text messaging, women being better than men and discussing people’s pets. Tommy’s wicked sense of humour is once again in full effect here, sanctioning Fiona to cover topics that are nothing to do with global news, they even compiled a trailer for the show that mentions world leaders and the economy, made purposefully to fool us all, the cheeky rascals!

Sadly, Fiona’s show must have been classed as a health risk with all the laugher it generated for listeners as she has been reduced to one hour and now has a young lad in the studio who I must say is a disgrace to the Global News Talk name due to his total lack of Big Brother knowledge.

Girls Girls Girls
Tommy Boyd has not forgotten the female listeners as the hard working Fiona Dutton hosts ‘Girls Girls Girls’ where Fiona once again gets to showcase her best noises whilst in the company of two other ladies as they let the audience in on the secrets of what women talk about when men are not in the room! These crazy girls take showers, learn poledancing, and go out to school reunions live during the show, the chatter includes talking about their sexual conquests, complaining about their big boobs and small boobs, raving about sex and the city and partaking in questionaires found in magazines. It’s such funny stuff, there is no way that real women could be like how they rabbit on about things!

So there you have it, my guide to some of the very funny comedy shows available on Play Talk UK. You can hear the shows from 7pm-11pm Monday to Thursday.